Doctor Jester's Phantasmagorical Automatic Freak Machine

From publisher blurb: A free and awesome tool for The Dreadful Secrets of Candlewick Manor! Does your daily dose of chaotic rigmarole rob your battered brain of the creative juice you need to squeeze creepy life into your shiny new Candlewick orphan? Never fear, dear reader, for this dreadful drudge- work, this brain-wracking exercise in forced creativity, never need darken your spirits again. The learned and esteemed Dr. Jester presents his PHANTASMAGORICAL AUTOMATIC FREAK MACHINE. Using this astounding invention is so easy that a laboratory monkey could do it, with only minimal surgical enhancement to his simian psyche.