Author's introduction: You’re walking in the woods. There’s no one around and your phone is dead. Out of the corner of your eye you spot him... Shia LaBeouf He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint! He’s gaining on you! Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf is a micro-RPG based on a humorous song by Rob Cantor, in which Shia Labeouf tracks and devours hapless victims.